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Friday, August 20, 2010

How to Look Like a Redneck

I bet this is something you've always wondered about. Hmmmm, how to look like a redneck....  let me tell you how it`s done!`I`ll give you the top ten ways to get the famous Redneck Look. Or the top 10 ways to spot a redneck.

First of all, you need to start off with the basics, before we even think about getting dressed.

Number 1:  The MULLET. If you don`t know what a mullet is, take a look at some family photos from the late 70``s, through the 80`s. The nifty Business in the front and party in the back look that everyone thought was so very cool back in the day. Most rednecks still wear this style, especially the men folk. Dab a little cheap cologne anywhere it`ll go, around the neck area being careful not to get too much on the mullet.  Women can modify the hairstyle a little by  teasing the bajeepers out of the bangs. Lots of hairspray, and I mean lots. You should only be able to smell the cheap perfume barely over the hairspray fumes.

Note: Facial hair is optional, and not recommended if you`re attempting to look like a redneck woman. You will be enough of a fire hazard as it is with all that hairspray. In fact, try chewing tobacco instead of that cigarette to reduce the risks.  

An example of a mullet, to celebrate  all things mullet is shown here for your viewing pleasure.

Number 2: Bad Teeth. Not all rednecks have bad teeth, but you can pick yourself up a set of falsies at a good halloween store. As long as the two front teeth are either crooked, really big horse teeth, or have a big enough gap to stick a chiclet through you`re set.

Number 3: A redneck trucker style hat. You can get one Right Here

Next up, a white tank top with some kind of proud redneck saying on it. Coffee and beer stains make it extra special. This one will do  nicely as an example

Number 4: Redneck Shoes. Not just any shoes, either. Shoes that SCREAM redneck. Like these!

Number 5: Dressin`up. If you`re going out somewhere SPESHUL like the flea market or a chicken bbq at your uncle daddy`s trailer, you can always throw on somethin real nice like this beauty of a tie. You probably ain`t got no fancy jacket, so everyone can see the fancy flag design on the bottom there.

Redneck Rebel Confederate Flag Tie tie
Redneck Rebel Confederate Flag Tie by RedneckHillbillies
See other neckties available on

Number 6: You probably don`t own anything like a tie clip either, (what the heck is that) so if you want to hold that tie in place you could always use a pin or a button badge like this

or if you don`t want to put holes through your fancy redneck tie, you could always slap on a bunch of stickers instead to hold it against your coffee or beer stained tank top. These will do the job real good. They`re even matchy matchy if you care about that kinda stuff.

Number 7: Grab a Beer! Rednecks really like beer. Especially extra super strong, extra super cheap beer. That way they get to drink MORE of it. In a pinch, homemade hooch wine or moonshine will work too. Here`s a nifty beer mug will all the favorite redneck pasttimes written all over it. So even if you`re NOT shuckin corn or chasin skirts you can sorta kinda feel like ya are while yer sippin away on your bevvy.

Number 8: You`re not supposed to know how to use them fangdangled compooters, but if you do, you should at least have some obnoxious confederate rebel redneck flag mousepad nearby.

Number 9: Always have at least three or four mixed breed mutts hangin around. Barking excessively, sleepin out under the couch that ya`ll put outside on the front porch for summer, or digging crater sized holes out front of that ramshackle trailer trash motorhome you call paradise. If any of those dogs will put up with wearing a doggie tee, then at least make it a badass redneck rebel tshirt! 

and lastly, number 10: If you`re lucky enough to have a pickup truck that runs now and then, preferably with big cattle horns mounted on the front grille - then you definately need one of these. Several different kinds of bumper stickers all spoutin`to them awesome redneck folks and those damn yankees that you are a bonafide redneck, and super dee dooper proud to be a redneck!